Gossip may seem like just a bit of fun, but in reality, it’s far from harmless. Left unchecked, gossip -along with the triangulation that comes with it, can be highly toxic. It creates a working atmosphere so unpleasant that it can leave people miserable, impacting individuals, teams, performance, and general productivity.

First, let’s define gossip. It’s essentially talking about someone in a way you’d never dare if they were sitting right beside you. It often comes with a short-lived thrill. In the moment, you might feel validated, thinking you’re right or even superior to the subject of the gossip.
When you introduce triangulation into the mix, the situation can turn seriously nasty. Triangulation is common, especially among manipulative individuals. Whether blatant or insidious, those who use it often find it both easy and satisfying. You might not even realise you’ve been drawn into it.

Triangulation occurs when someone brings a third person into a relationship, controlling or limiting communication between the two. It allows them to divide and conquer, playing one person against the other to spark conflict while protecting their own ego or position.

So, why do we gossip? Let’s face it—gossip can seem juicy. It’s entertaining on the surface, with tabloids and celebrity magazines like Hello and OK! relying on it. When you join in, you may feel like you are part of a special group that ‘knows best,’ one that sees things more clearly. And of course, we all love a bit of drama.

But while gossip may feel exciting or provide a sense of release, it’s inherently toxic. In the workplace, it undermines trust, sows divisions, and lends undue credibility to rumours. It can manifest as overt bullying or subtle manipulation, creating an unpleasant undercurrent that muddles company culture and drains energy. Worse, these negative stories can quickly spread, going viral across an organisation without a valid cause.

The fleeting sense of belonging gossip brings is just that – fleeting. The alliances it fosters aren’t worth having. Its ability to help us avoid feelings of anger, fear, or sadness is an illusion, and gossip wastes both time and money. Think of the positive, productive things you could be doing at work instead of engaging in idle chatter.

Gossip doesn’t solve problems; it merely recycles them, leaving everyone stuck in the same negative patterns. It reinforces unconscious commitments to avoiding learning, responsibility and forming honest relationships. No wonder high-performing teams consciously choose to stop gossiping and if they can, so can any of us.

The good news is that gossip is a choice, not an inevitability. You can decide to stop, or if you haven’t been drawn in yet, choose never to engage.

Watch this excellent and informative video by the Conscious Leadership Group, which captures the essence of gossip and the damage it causes. The video encourages leaders, individuals and teams to avoid gossip, embrace transparency and take personal responsibility.

If you find yourself entangled in gossip, put yourself on a gossip-free regime, following the steps outlined in the video. Take small steps if that feels more manageable. Or, if you’ve had enough, cut it off at the source – go cold turkey and stop engaging. Excuse yourself, change the subject, and gently but firmly withdraw. Don’t give gossip any room in your life.

Gossip can quickly transform a productive team into a disconnected group of wary individuals who dread coming to work. This is undoubtedly harmful to the organisation’s goals and culture. Just be sure not to fall into gossiping or triangulation. Instead, aim to consciously create an environment where trust and positivity flourish. In the long run this benefits everyone.